Steps to become a “serious” bollywood personality

-Do a maximum of 2 movies a year

-If no one notices, tell the press you do a maximum of 2 movies a year after “considering” the scripts .

-Always wear a frown on your face to look serious.

-Go to charities and benefits with the most media coverage and say that you didn’t expect them to be there and you always believed in that cause (even if you’ve never heard of it before…..like “The Kids With So Much Talent, It’s Sickening Fund” ).

-Mingle with other “serious” personalities.

-Court controversy and tell the media that your “freedom of speech” is being denied.

-Keep talking about your “modest upbringing” even if you were a millionaire before you started out.

- Choose the hottest co-stars even if they suck at acting and tell everyone that their acting is “inspiring”.

-Name an unknown old performer as your biggest inspiration so that you sound “offbeat”.

- Keep your private life alive in the newspapers and keep telling the media in press conferences that you want them to “respect your privacy”.

-Get divorced frequently and act either very hurt about it or very unfazed about it.

-Learn big words for interviews to seem “intellectual” even though you know only the common people read this and they won’t know what it means.

-Leak your private info to the press and deny it when it’s printed.

-Go to concerts of eminent personalities like Pdt. Ravi Shankar etc., even if you don’t get their music.

-Keep telling everyone how you try to keep your kids “rooted to the ground realities of life” even though you gift them expensive cars, bikes and jets for their birthdays.

-Have a public feud with another famous personality.

-Get it printed in the paper.

-Hail feminism and feminist writers like Shobha De, but beat your wife at home.

-It’s always good to be in two or three animal activist foundatios even if you killed your first cat because it messed up your house.

-Say that you support the theater and arts and act in a few plays which bore people to death.

-Tell the media you acted in such and such play.

-Always praise films that are “offbeat” even if they sucked in your and everyone else’s opinion because your piss poor acting seems better when compared to it.
-Dance like an idiot to please the average Indian who likes that shit.

-Endorse “healthy eating” while you yourself gorge on fast food for dinner everyday washed down with coke.

-Do coke everyday just to look flushed. Even if it’s not very addictive.

-Watch porno everyday, even kiddie porn and oppose such stuff in public.

-Get it printed in the newspaper that you oppose such stuff.